Mass Movie Reviews 2

I've watched a bunch of movies the last two months but I haven't had a chance to review them for you lately so I'll do another mass movie review. I'm going to start with the worst and work my way up to the best.

Gattaca
It's about a guy whose parents chose to have a child naturally with flaws and imperfections rather than have a geneticist manufacture a perfect child. Because of his flaws and imperfections he is classified as being a lesser person and despite his intelligence and hard work, he is a janitor instead of an astronaut. So he trades lives with a man who is genetically manufactured but who has broken his spine and is now paralyzed, all for the singular goal of going to outer space as an astronaut.

This movie has a great premise and some really good (or at least really attractive) actors in it. I'm not sure where or why it failed but it was so boring I fell asleep about twenty mintues to the end of the movie. Steve watched to the end and filled me in on exactly what I missed which wasn't much.

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Jude Law with fun little apperances by Tony Shalhoub and Ernest Borgnine.


Crank
I am madly in love with Jason Statham. I'll just confess that right now. The guy is hot and he knows Kung Fu. Just thinking about the oil fight scene in The Transporter is enough to melt me into a puddle. However much I love Mr. Statham and wanted to love this movie, it stunk. I mean it was horrible. Finally about half way through I realized either it was so bad it was funny or I have a very twisted sense of humor because I started laughing. Once I decided it was a comedy and not an action/drama I actually liked the movie a little bit.

This one is about a hit man who gets injected with some "Chinese $#!%" that slows his body down until eventually his organs just quit working. The only way to counter the injection is with adrenaline so he must keep moving, keep shooting, keep performing dangerous stunts and also apparently have sex in a public place.

My favorite scene in the whole movie was during a shoot-out. Bullets were flying and the camera was grabbing typical random shots of car windows imploding because of random bullets and things of that nature. They panned to an old woman sitting in her apartment with a green parakeet in a cage. One of the random bullets flew through her window and the bird ended up as a splat of green feathers on the far wall. I HOWLED. I laughed so hard I cried.

So if you like really dumb movies - so dumb they're funny - then rent this one. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

Starring: Jason Statham and Amy Smart.


Tian di Xiong Xin ("Armageddon")
Again, I have the hots for the main actor in this movie, Andy Lau so I was prepared to like the movie no matter what. It wasn't bad but there was only one scene in the whole movie that involved Kung Fu. The premise was kinda weird too.

The movie starts when a scientist is pretty much vaporized at the same time Andy Lau's satellite company loses a bunch of their satellite signals. The movie sets me up the whole way for it to be a sci-fi thriller and I was expecting there to be some crazy outer space weaponry that allowed someone to be microwaved via satellite, similar to the weapon used in Brimstone by Preston and Child. In reality it turned out to be the literal end of the world and Andy Lau was supposed to be set up as a sort of Antichrist, a job offer which he then turned down (sorry to spoil the ending for you).

All in all it wasn't the worst movie I watched. It was a little weird and I probably wouldn't watch it again. I do not recommend it if you're looking for lots of action.

Starring: Andy Lau, Michelle Reis, and Anthony Wong Chau-Sang.


The Seat Filler
A struggling law student, Derrick, takes a job filling empty seats at celebrity awards shows in order to make enough money to pay off his school debts. At one occassion he finds himself sitting next to a gorgeous and famous singer, Jhnelle and they seem to really click. She mistakes him for the seat's actual occupant, a famous celebrity lawyer Al. He woos her using the lawyer's identity believing that if she knows he is really a broke law student and not a rich lawyer, she will not look twice at him. Eventually her exboyfriend does a little research and exposes Derrick for what he really is, a seat filler. The question remains can Jhnelle be in love with a nobody?

The plot sounded so much like a cute little romance novel that I couldn't resist the rental. I actually ened up watching it on Netflix's new "Watch Now" feature which worked great with absolutely no pauses to allow the bandwidth to catch up to the movie. I wasn't thrilled that I couldn't fast forward or rewind (at least that I could see) but there was a pause feature that comes in handy when watching a movie while children are awake in the house.

Anyway the actual movie ended up being very light and very cute. I enjoyed the romance. Don't watch it expecting some big piece of drama. It plays out exactly the way romance novels play out. They only lightly touch on conflict and everyone ends up happily ever after. Perfect escape movie.

Starring: Duane Martin, Kelly Rowland and DeRay Davis.


The Hiding Place
I'm sure most of you know the story of Corrie Ten Boom but if you don't, I highly recommend you read her book rather than watch this movie. While the story stayed true to the original there were parts that were glossed over or completely cut, probably for length purposes.

Corrie, Betsie and Casper "Papa" Ten Boom hid Jewish people in their home during the Nazi occupation of Holland in the 40's. Eventually they were caught and sent to concentration camps where their faith carried them through the horrors of their daily lives.

I rented this because my friend's daughter needed to get the story read for a class. Her teacher gave her permission to watch the movie instead of reading the book but it wasn't available in the store so I bumped it up my queue for her. I had read the book years and years before but the story is no less moving now than it was then. Unfortunately it was made in the 70's and I believe by a Christian studio so the quality of the filmography is not what it would be if the movie were made today. It is also very slow moving without tension despite some very scary situations. However that being said, the movie does stay true to the story and the main message of Corrie's book which is Christian love and forgiveness. Well worth the rental.

Starring: Jeannette Clift, Julie Harris, and Arthur O'Connell.

You can read a much shortened version of "The Hiding Place" here: "The Secret Room"


The Illusionist

Edward Norton plays Eisenheim, a magician in the early 1900's Vienna. He falls in love with Sophie, a girl who is above his social station and they plan to run away together. She is caught and he spends the next fifteen years or so wandering and learning to become an illusionist. When he returns to Vienna he finds Sophie is engaged to marry the Crown Prince who is an cruel man plotting to overthrow his own father. Eisenheim attempts to free Sophie from her engagement and a mystery ensues as a result.

I don't want to say too much because I'd hate to ruin the movie for you. I did figure the mystery out right away but it didn't spoil anything for me. I highly recommend this one, especially if you like romantic, mysterious, period-pieces.

Starring: Edward Norton, Jessica Biel, Rufus Sewell (another hottie and a good "bad guy"), and Paul Giamatti.