Tuesday, December 09, 2008

English Composition is a Dried-Up Vagina Party

Seriously, I'll bet you didn't know that did you?

My class was online and last night we had our last group chat for this group project that's due tomorrow. I don't know how this kid managed it, but he stumbled right into our chat. At first we just ignored him and he made stupid comments here and there, trying to be insulting I'm sure but I thought it was just moronically funny.

Finally he said, "So what grade are you all in?" and I laughed again. I said, "Honey, I'm 32, I have four kids and a mortgage." The rest of the group chimed in... there was a 30 year old but the others were 18/19 years old. Turns out this kid is 16 (for which I replied that my son is nearly fifteen so this guy might as well be in a chat room with his mother).

He then informed us it was like he was in a party for "dried up vag." I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. What started out as a fairly boring chat about editing our final paper turned into a dried up vagina party.

So Isaac, wherever you are, whoever you are, thank you. That was the only thing from that entire class that I enjoyed.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Facebook Follies

I love having a teen boy. We were having a "sit-up contest" that E started. S3 was on his laptop but I wasn't really paying much attention to him other than when E did her 30th sit-up I told her I bet S3 couldn't do 30. So he got down on the floor and did 50, easily, and then quit because he could go on forever and didn't want to bore us with his magnificence. He got back on his laptop and G laid down and quickly did seventy.

Well that wasn't going to fly so S3 gets up again, says, "What do I have to do, like twenty more?" and I said, "Noooo, you have to do seventy in a row." As he's working on beating G's record, I look over and see he's in a chat with a girl that he kinda knew through his best friend but mostly knows from facebook. They're chatting about Spanish class. E comes over and in a stage whisper she says, "Write, 'I love you very much'." So I did.

OMG the look on S3's face! He stops in the middle of a sit up and says, "WHAT?!?!" Crawls over to where we're sitting, sees what I've done and puts his hands in his face and says, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" I cried I laughed so hard. Of course he told the girl it was me and she totally got the joke but the look on his face at the time was priceless. I laughed so hard when I retold the story to Steve I started crying again.

Ah, I love being a mom.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


I have the flu. This is not fun. Not fun at all.

Monday, November 03, 2008

FYI or maybe TMI

I was doing a little looking around on the internet this morning and came across some interesting information. My grandmother died of breast cancer and I think it has made me a little paranoid when it comes to my own hooters. Every little abnormal thing is a reason to rush to the doctor. So when I had a continuation of pain from last night to this morning, I started to worry. Then I read this from Imaginis.com:

Cyclical breast pain accounts for nearly 75% of all breast complaints. Of all women who experience breast pain, two thirds experience cyclical breast pain. Physicians often have patients chart their pain to determine whether the pain is cyclical. Though cyclical breast pain is usually related to the menstrual cycle, stress may also affect hormone levels and influence breast pain. Physical activity, especially heavy lifting or prolonged use of the arms, has also been shown to increase breast pain (pectoral (chest) muscles may become sore from physical activity).

So I'm thinking maybe since I have PMS, I'm in college and I work in a nursing home, that might explain some of my problems.... The mental problems are another story.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Got Hemorrhoids?

I was making a joke earlier in the evening about Preparation H and my kids were eavesdropping. We got in the car and S3 says to me, "Mom, what's that stuff you were talking about earlier?"

I said, "What? Preparation H? Do you know what hemorrhoids are?" He nods yes. "Well sometimes hemmorhoids itch and burn and hurt and so you put Preparation H in your anus to soothe them." And being the mature adult that I am, I started giggling, "Heh, heh, your anus - Uranus. Heh, heh."

So after some immature giggling we decided that Preparation H must come from Uranus. Ty says, "It must take a long time to get there."

And again being the mature adult that I am, I respond, "Yes and I hear it's very dark and stinky."

Ty says, "Yeah, and I hear to get there you have to go past the moons."

Friday, October 10, 2008

"My Penis Got Stuck in the Vacuum Cleaner"

Craig talks about the US and voting. Starting around 6:20 on the video.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Favorite Artwork

Girls' Weekend in DC

For Melanie's and my birthday, we went to DC for the weekend with our mom. The goal was to relax, look at some good art and watch a soccer game. We definitely had success. I'm having a really hard time paring down the pics so bear with me here.

We arrive Friday night and try to figure out the timer on one of the two cameras we had with us. Hilarity ensued.

Gorgeous view while we ate breakfast.

Had to get the usual pics in the Metro.

and in the Mall

Now, I took a lot of pix of art and I'm going to post a second post of my favs, but here's some pics of us in the museum.

Outside for a quick snack before going on to the modern art museum.

So by this time we were pretty tired and I know my feet and back were hurting so we headed back to the hotel to get a quick bite and the tickets to the game. I met an awesome guy online who happened to be travelling to Alaska with his wife at the same time that we were coming down for the game so I bought his tickets from him. They were awesome seats. Here's some of my fav pix from the game.

Ok now look, it was a long day. None of us look our best but I think I look especially bad. Plus it's a self portrait LOL!

Just loved this guy.

My dad is a big Chivas USA fan and he has a love/hate relationship with Klejstan

The first goal was so pitiful, look at our goalie's reaction

This halftime thing was hysterical. I have no idea what they were doing. Pushing a giant inflated ball for some reason.

Yes, yes, we lost. It was horribly embarrassing.

We relaxed afterward in the hotel restaurant-bar with fondue, crab cakes and drinks.

Melanie's was a little full. I don't even know how the waitress got it over to her.

We couldn't get the hotel room open with her insurance card. Turns out only the hotel room key will work for that.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Something Else I Love

So in chemistry, our last homevurks (my prof is German and has the best accent!) involved Lewis Dot Structures. I had to do one for HOCl and I was pretty sure I had it right but I wanted to double check. So I Googled it. Seriously, someone else out there drew a Lewis Dot Structure for HOCl and posted it on the web. How weird/cool is that?

Oh and btw, I had it right.

I'm In Love

I've been watching the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson and I am in love. Not only is this guy cute but he's hysterical! It doesn't matter who his guests are nightly. He's such a great host, it could be my next door neighbor and I'd still enjoy the show. I haven't seen an episode yet that didn't have me laughing myself sick. He's Awesome!

He used to be Drew Carey's boss on the Drew Carey Show. I only tell you this detail because Steve didn't put two and two together and was surprised the other night when Drew was on Craig's show.

Go to the website and watch the episode with Ewan McGregor. Or look for him on YouTube. Or stay up late with the crazies. However you have to do it, watch his show.

I know!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

As Deep Cries Out to Deep

My sister wove this piece based on a song they sing at church. I don't remember all the details but this relates to the imagery in the song about a waterfall and deep crying out to deep. Although this took her only three months to weave, I am told typically a piece this size should take closer to a year to complete. She spent many, many weeks weaving twelve hours a day, every day. I wish I could tell you what kind of lace technique this is but alas, I am ignorant of the fibre arts. I suppose she will fill us in when I link her and she posts a comment (hint, hint Melanie).

I spent the afternoon yesterday trying to really capture the beauty of the piece and yet still I don't think I quite got it right. Anyway, here are the photos.

This one was my favorite shot of the piece:

Detail shot:

Direct shot of full piece:

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I was looking for something to post today

And lurking on Megan's blog, trying to catch up a little with what my friends have been doing while I've been not here. Anyway she had this posted a little while back and it looked like a good way to fill today's post ;) BTW, go check out Megan's photography. She's amazing.

So who reads my blog??

1. As a comment on this post, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember! And if we've never met in real life, leave me a comment of your favorite post I wrote and why it was your favorite.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually really funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Soccer Weekend

Note: videos are less than 30 seconds long.

Did you guys get all that rain on Friday? It POURED it's brains out here. And since there was no lightning, all games were on! Ty's team went first and won 3 - 0. He's #20. Can you see all the rain? It was really pouring.

Look how wet G got:

I didn't grab any stills of S3 - just video. We were creaming the other team 7 - 1 before the half so the coach took out all his juniors and seniors and put in the freshmen. The other team got frustrated and started playing really rough. There was this huge guy - and I mean not just tall but big and bulky - who had it out for my kid. I got a clip of him (below) taking him out at the ankles but what I didn't catch was later in the game when S3 manuvered around him with the ball, the kid pulled S3 down by his shoulders and when he was on the ground this huge kid stomped S3 on the hip. He's still limping a little today.

But the best of the weekend was G. She had a game in Hockessin, DE. Watch the video. Bri sends the ball in to G who is in position to score. G flubbs and sends the ball back out to Bri who sends it in to G for a second chance to shoot on goal. G shoots and....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Y4T Presents: After the Rapture

This video was made to demonstrate what it might be like for those who are "left behind" after the rapture occurs. Every Wednesday I make a quick video to help the teens in our youth group Y4T (Youth 4 Truth) understand the message they're being taught either by Pastor Eric or by Steve. You'll recognize the first kid. He belongs to me. The second section of teens stealing my car are Pastor Eric's kids. Hope you enjoy!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Catch a Fire

Ok so for this online composition class I'm taking, the prof had this cartoon pirate that speaks with his voice. We're supposed to be editing and adding to our student pages and he suggested that might be something we could add. I fooled around with it for a bit and then realized I'd probably have to give it my voice. Well I hate the way my voice sounds when it's recorded. Vain, I know. So I trimmed a TobyMac song called WhoopsiDasy (CatchaFire) and the results are hysterical. Watch:

Get a Voki now!

BTW, thank you for the happy greetings in my last post. I missed you guys too. I'll tell you all about it sometime soon but basically I figured this'd be the last summer I'd have free for quite a few years so I decided to travel. And boy did I travel. Beckham bunny is doing great; time to trim him again soon. Hopefully I did a better job of taking care of his hair so Melanie will be able to use it for spinning.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Don't Tell My Mother

Look what the kids came up with this time....

Just don't tell my mother I let them do that.

Friday, May 09, 2008

This Post Is Mostly For My Dad

But you can read it too ;)

I was particularly keen on going to the DC United game last night because it's the only home game against Chicago Fire who has on their roster the man I LOVEloveLOVE to hate, Cuauhtemoc Blanco. He was a very popular Mexican player who, like Beckham, is getting older and is probably going to finish his career in the US. But the man is such an actor it's unreal. He's constantly rolling around on the ground trying to draw the foul. I love to hate him. I was super excited to be able to hate him in person.

Here's our first sighting of the hated man:

Check out the crowd...

AWW! Poor widdle Blanco got hurt!

Dang, he scored.

Eh, we totally lost. S-h-u-t-o-u-t. Bleh.

The hated man greets his hated fans:

One of the MANY reasons I like this sport... They tend to take their shirts off when the game is done. Hubba, hubba!

My two brats, after the game:

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Peanut is NOT a Wimp

Yesterday I had to pick my sister's daughters up from school, Peanut and Eeyore. Since E only has a half day she came with me. We ran a couple of errands ending our running around with a trip to the grocery store. While we were in the produce section picking out an onion, Eeyore started picking on her little sister the way only big sisters can.

"Peanut is so wimpy, she can't even shut a door!"

Now Peanut is small but she's no wimp. However she is the baby and she is a lot like her Aunt Sara. She uses charm and her baby-of-the-family status to get out of having to do any strenuous work. I know this because it's exactly what I do, er, um, did. So I defended her and said, "Nah, women in this family aren't wimps. We're strong."

E chimed in by saying, "I'm strong. I can pick up a gallon of milk."

Peanut, silent no longer said, "I can pick up a gallon of milk too!"

Well a gallon of milk just happened to be on my list so we made our way to the dairy department where all three girls, striving to prove their non-wimpiness, each picked up a gallon of milk. "Er, ladies, I only need one gallon so two of you will have to put your gallon back," I said.

Immediately three voices called, "Not me!" They proceeded to play the "not me" game until finally Eeyore was the last to say it and she had to put her gallon back. We stood there for a little while longer while the two younger girls continued to shout out, "NOT ME! NOT ME! NOT ME!" in unison over and over until finally I said, "Ok we're obviously going to have to move on to Rock, Paper, Scissors."

I held both gallons of milk and stood there while the girls played the elimination game. E threw paper, Peanut threw scissors. Peanut was victorious and E had to put her gallon of milk back. Peanut was very happy with herself as you might imagine.

So as we go to walk away from the milk case, I look up finally and see there is a line of people waiting to get a gallon of milk. ROTFL! I blushed, apologized and we took off for the check-out.

We got around the corner and Peanut declared the milk was too heavy and I traded my onion for her gallon. LOL

The best part of the story though... I got home and was telling Steve about our adventures in the grocery store and once he got done laughing he said, "You do realize we have two other gallons of milk in the fridge downstairs, don't you?"

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

E Teaches Me About Joseph

"First his dad bought him the most expensive coat he could afford. I think maybe it was like nine bucks and his brothers were jealous. Then later when the brothers threw Joef-es in the pit and put the sheep blood on his coat, they lied and told the dad that a monster ate Joef-es. At the very end, they had a party and Joef-es invited everyone."

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Diva Party

I'm going to post way too many pics. Sorry. I can't narrow them down. The girls got hair, makeup, and nails done and they got to make their own lip gloss to take home. Plus I had pizza and ice cream cake for them. Ty stayed and helped me clean up between activities (we'd leave the room and when we came back, he'd have all the dishes cleaned up from pizza, stuff like that). He also was in charge of the iPod so we called him the dj. He did a great job picking songs the girls loved and they all sang so loud I'm sure the patrons upstairs could hear them. It was by far the most fun, easiest party I've ever thrown. Plus the salon opened a bottle of sparkling wine so while the girls had soda, I got my drink on. One girl didn't rsvp and I didn't know if she was coming or not so since I already paid for five girls, E took her place. Also in one pic, G is blowing out a pretend candle on her cake. I forgot the candle.

Hannah Montana, eat your heart out!